


The Heart of the Story

by Marianna_Stone



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Assisted Suicide, Bts protect JK from the storms, Chapter Two in the following tags:, Depression, Eating Disorders, Established Relationship, Everyone is actually stronger than Jungkook, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How do I tag?, Hurt/Comfort, I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS, I swear, I will add more tags if any comes to mind, I will go down with OT7, I'm Sorry, I'm Sorry Kookie, Im horrible at tagging, Im really not sorry about that, Injured Jeon Jungkook, Jungkook Is Bad at Feelings, Jungkook also gets ingured, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Minor GOT7 (Ensemble), Multi, OT7, Protective Bangtan Boys, Scared Jeon Jungkook, Self Harm, Shy Jeon Jungkook, Sick Jeon Jungkook, Sickfic, Sort of? - Freeform, Suicide, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Violence, What am I doing?, astrapophobia, bts love their maknae, descriptions of self harm, im sorry kookie, im sorry okay!, it will get better, jungkook becomes depressed, jungkook gets sick, jungkook is afraid of storms, mentions of selfm harm, not really - Freeform, not really but still!, oh god what have I done?, sad kookie, sorry but heres' where the angst comes in, sucidal thoughts, there will be a happy ending tho, vomiting(mentioned)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2019-08-01 18:35:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16289669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marianna_Stone/pseuds/Marianna_Stone
Summary: This work was originally called Astrapophobia; The Fear of Storms but I decided to change it! I hope you enjoy~Heart; noun・one's mood or feeling."they had a change of heart"Story; noun1.an account of imaginary or real people and events told for entertainment.(I will add chapters upon request)





	1. Jungkook vs. Storms

Jungkook was with his hyungs practicing for their upcoming concert when he received the notification. A severe thunderstorm warning was set out for that evening, leaving him panicking. Astrapophobia. The fear of thunder and lightning or just storms in general. He’s kept it hidden well from his hyungs. He usually just shoves his earbuds in his ears and buries himself under his blankets with his bedroom door locked.

 

Except this time he didn’t think they were going to make it back to the dorm in time. They were scheduled to continue late into the afternoon and their studio was quite far from the dorm just for safety precautions. Jungkook bit back a whimper. He could always tell his hyungs about his phobia but he didn’t want to burden them. He didn’t want them to have added stress because of him, they already take care of him enough as it is.

 

Jungkook was shaken out of his stupor when someone leaned over his shoulder and plucked his phone from his grasp. “Jiminie Hyung~” Jungkook whined trying to grab his phone back from the elder, only to have Taehyung back hug him, making it harder. “Nngh Hyung pleaseeee” Jungkook groaned, trying to shrug Tae off his back. “There’s gonna be a thunderstorm tonight? Cool! Hey Tae, Kook, lets watch it from my room tonight. This is gonna be daebak!” Jungkook once again bit back a whimper as he faked a apologetic grin. “Sorry Jiminie I was planning on just going to bed after practice today”

 

“Yah! It’s hyung to you! And aigoo Kookie! You really need to stop working yourself so hard!” Jimin exclaimed cuffing Jungkook’s head slightly for the informality as a slight reprimanding. Jungkook laughed but didn’t duck in time to miss the smack thanks to Taehyung being on his back. Taehyung pouted “Aww c’mon Kookie, pleaseeee join usss” Jungkook just sighed, “Sorry Taehyungie hyung, my plans are set in stone” Tae just pouted and tightened his hold on the younger.

 

“You guys quit messing around and get back practicing!” Namjoon called from his place in the centre of the studio. Tae hopped off his back, and Jimin tossed his phone back. Jungkook quickly put his phone back on the bench and joined the others as the music started. Soon he got lost in the music that he forgot all about the storm. Something that might lead to his downfall.

 

~^~^~^~^~

 

“Alright guys! Practice is over, you can leave now!”

 

Jungkook wiped his forehead, sweat dripping off his hair. He grabbed his water bottle and took a deep drink, after he gathered his stuff, grabbing his phone and checking it for any notifications. He froze as he saw the storm had upgraded. There was gonna be a huge power outage, harsh winds, and maybe even a bit of hail. Jungkook bit his lip harshly, frowning.

 

“Ready to go Jungkook-Ah?” Jungkook jolted looking up to see Seokjin waiting for him. He smiled at the elder, nodding and grabbing the rest of his stuff, running to catch up with the rest of the group.

 

~^~^~^~^~

 

Jungkook chewed on his bottom lip nervously as he stared out at the darkening sky. Hoseok was sitting beside him talking animatedly to Yoongi who sat beside Hoseok. Though Yoongi didn’t really seem to be paying attention, his eyes shut as he occasionally let out grunts of agreement, notifying the redhead that he was listening. Jungkook tried to focus on Hoseok’s voice rather than the growing panic that was weighing down his chest, making it hard to breath.

 

He bit the inside of his cheek harshly, drawing blood, letting the sting distract him as well. He turned to lay heavily on his hyung's should, startling the redhead. Hoseok jumped slightly, before lifting a hand to Jungkook’s dark locks. “You alright Kook?” Jungkook hummed nodding, “Yeah, just tired Hyung” Hoseok smiled down at the maknae, and carded his fingers through Jungkook’s hair. Jungkook sighed contentedly, as he let the hand run through his hair, also distracting him from his panic.

 

“Is Jungkook alright?” he heard a voice murmur somewhere in front of him. “Yeah, he's fine. Our maknae’s just tired”

 

“Aigoo~ Our Kookie works himself too hard” came a soft cooing voice as he felt another hand reach back and also run their fingers through his hair. He hummed, and leaned slightly into the touch causing others too coo at him. He didn’t care though, he just didn’t want the fingers to stop their stroking. Eventually they did though and he blearily opened his eyes with a frown. Only to feel someone carefully wrap their arms around him and lift him up bridal style.

 

He yawned and swatted at the hands carrying him. A frown still marring his features. “Put me down” he mumbled groggily, as he heard someone coo and pinch his cheeks. He swatted the offending hands away, and tried to pull out of the arms holding him. “Hold on! Aish! Give me a minute and stay still” he heard a voice grumble. Yoongi. He only frowned more, but soon felt himself be set down on his feet. He blinked, trying to clear his vision, and looked at the elder sleepily.

 

Yoongi sighed before wrapping an arm around the younger’s waist and leading him towards the door. Namjoon already fumbling to unlock it. Jungkook yawned again, but it was cut off as he looked up, his doe like eyes widening slightly. He swore under his breath and dashed inside and up to his room as soon as the door was opened. He closed his bedroom door quickly, locking it as well, before dashing across his room and closing the blinds.

 

He then grabbed his headphones off his nightstand plugging them into his phone. He quickly opened his phone and went to his music app opening a playlist he specifically made for times like this, but he didn’t play it fast enough as the first sound of thunder made a loud booming noise throughout the room. Jungkook jumped, clamping a hand over his mouth to stifle the whimper that had escaped. Tears sprang to his eyes as another loud bang of thunder rang through the room.

 

He dashed under his covers, pulling them tight over his head, he then shoved the earbuds in his ears, hitting the play button, letting the heavy metal music drown out most of the thunder. The tears slid down his cheeks, and he kept a hand clamped over his mouth to stifle his sobs. Body tense, yet quivering in terror. He desperately wished he could turn the volume up more but it was already up all the way. Jungkook whimpered, and pulled tugged the blankets tighter over his head.

 

“Jungkook! Come down and eat dinner!” he heard Seokjin call from the hallway. He flinched at how loud the elder’s voice was but called back. “I’m not very hungry Hyung! Maybe later!” and it was true. He wasn't hungry. His stomach was churning continuously making him feel sick. Along with the heavy feeling in his chest, Jungkook didn’t think he could get up anyways.

 

“Are you sure? I could make you some soup if you are feeling unwell? Kook could you let me in?” Seokjin asked worriedly.

 

“Ah no thank you Hyung! I’m really just not hungry. I just wanna sleep” Jungkook replied.

 

“Aigoo alright, I’ll check on you later though. You need to eat something tonight.” Seokjin replied before walking away. Jungkook knew he wouldn’t eat later though. He wouldn’t be able to stomach it. Suddenly a loud bang rang through the room. Jungkook jumped, curling into a ball, feeling choked sobs rise in his throat. “Kookie? Can I come in? Me and Tae wanna cuddle”

 

Jungkook only bit his tongue, if he stayed quiet they would eventually leave thinking he was asleep. “Jungkookie?” Jungkook choked on a sob, shoving his hand in his mouth to keep quiet. He honestly wanted his hyungs to hold him, and cuddle him, to help him through the storm, to sooth his terror, but he knew he would only burden them. He couldn’t do that. They go through so much stress already. Their problems are worse. He shouldn’t burden them with his problems. They already help him enough with his social anxiety. He whimpered as a particularly loud rumble of thunder rand throughout the room. More tears fell, and he buried his face in his pillow, shoulders shaking with the effort to contain his sobs. Terror shook him to the core, and his body was trembling because of it.

 

He flinched when his music suddenly cut out, making the storm so much louder. The room was the basked in darkness, light no longer leaking in from the crack under the door. The power had gone out. Meaning he had no wifi to continue listening to his music. He knew he should have downloaded it when he had the chance the other day! He heard people stumbling around outside his door. “Ouch! Taehyung be careful! Go grab a flashlight!”

 

“But Jiminie hyungggg! Why don’t you go get it?”

 

“Because while your at it, you can go grab the spare key Jungkook gave you to his room!” Jungkook flinched in realisation, as Tae cheered. “On it! I’ll go get it right away!”

 

“Be careful Tae!”

 

Jungkook, tried to stop his sobs, but it seemed to only make him cry harder. His hyungs couldn’t see him like this! Jungkook got up and stumbled to the bathroom attached to his room, closing the door, and sliding to the floor after he locked it. He curled in on himself, keeping his hand stuffed in his mouth to stifle the sounds. He heard the lock click to his room after Tae came stumbling back. “Kookie?” Jimin murmured, taking the flashlight from Taehyung and shining it in the room. “Kookie where are you?”

 

Jungkook, couldn’t do it. He couldn’t keep quiet. A sob escaped him, and he choked on his breath. “Kookie!? Come on baby, open the door” he heard Jimin’s gentle voice murmur as he tried to enter the bathroom. Jungkook just cried harder. “Hey, Kookie. Baby. What’s wrong? Please let us in.” Taehyung called softly through the door. Jungkook broke, turning around he unlocked the door, and opened it quickly, flinging himself into his hyungs arms.

 

“Hey, hey shhhh, we’ve got you. Hyungs' got you” Jimin murmured, pulling Jungkook close. “H-Hyung” Jungkook sobbed, flinching when more thunder rumbled. “Hey TaeTae? Can you go get the others? I think Jungkook needs us all at the moment.” Jungkook felt Tae nod, but he clutched the blonde. “D-Don’t leave me p-please” he whimpered, clinging onto the both of them. “Hey, hey, hey, shhhh, I’m only going to get the others, I’ll be back soon okay? I promise.”

 

Jungkook felt a kiss be pressed to his hair, and he reluctantly let go of the blonde, pressing himself closer to his other hyung. “I’ll be back” Taehyung murmured, ruffling Jungkook’s hair. Jungkook jumped, at a loud bang of thunder, letting out a cry and clung tighter to Jimin. “Baby~ Are you afraid of the storm?” Jungkook just whimpered and buried his face in the orange haired male’s neck.

 

“Here, let’s get you to the bed bun, it’ll be more comfortable there.” Jungkook just stayed where he was, wrapping himself around Jimin like a Koala bear. “Do you want me to carry you bun?” Jungkook nodded, face still buried in Jimin’s neck. He felt Jimin’s hands reach down to wrap Jungkook’s legs around his waist, then slide down to hold Jungkook by his thighs. He carefully stood with the maknae in his arms, feeling Jungkooks legs tighten around his waist.

 

Jimin made his way over to the bed with ease, placing Jungkook in the middle, before sliding in right next to him, pulling the younger close. “Hey what’s going on?” he heard Seokjin’s worried voice from the door. Jungkook just pressed tightly against Jimin, sobs still wracking his body. Jungkook felt Jimin look over, his hand coming up to run through Jungkook’s hair soothingly. “I think Jungkook has astrapophobia Hyung” as if to emphasize his point, a loud clap of thunder echoed throughout the room, causing Jungkook’s sobbing to become harsher and louder as he clung even tighter to Jimin. “ _H-Hyung_!” “Shhh Baby, hey, I’ve got you, shhh” Jimin murmured soothingly into Jungkook’s ear.

 

“Oh Kookie baby~ Why didn’t you tell us~” Hoseok cooed, coming into the room and laying down on Jungkook’s other side, wrapping an arm around the maknae’s torso. “D-Didn’t want- “ a sob “ want t-to- Hnng” Jungkook squeezed his eyes shut, more thunder ringing through the room “B-burden you w-with-” another sob “ s-something I c-can deal with.” a flinch “W-when you all are al-Hnng” he choked on his breath, “al-r-ready so s-stressed” a bang of thunder. Jungkook cried out, shaking violently. “Heyy Baby, obviously you can’t deal with this, and you don’t burden us. We want to help you. To take care of you. But we can’t do that if you don’t tell us what’s bothering you.” Yoongi murmured, the others now filing into the room and crawling onto the bed, trying to give their maknae comfort.

 

A bright flash of lightning filled the room as it struck a little too close to the dorm. Jungkook’s breath hitched, and if possible he started shaking harder, trying to hide his face in Jimin’s chest. “Hey Namjoon? Can Kookie borrow you soundproof headphones? And Seokjin, can he use you sleeping mask to block out the lightnings flash??” Hoseok suddenly asked. He felt shuffling on the bed as both Namjoon and Seokjin replied “Ne **(A Korean meaning of agreement, it does not directly mean “yes” it’s just a form of agreement)** ” Soon the two males were gone.

 

“I-I was t-trying to l-listen to mu-mus-music ea-earlier, b-but the p-power went o-out an-an-and I n-need wifi t-to lis-listen” Jungkook shuddered, his voice breaking continuously as he spoke. “Shhh, baby, you don’t need to explain yourself to us” Tae murmured stroking soothingly at Jungkook’s hip. Jungkook nodded jerkily, and pressed his face more into Jimin’s chest, feeling the elder’s heartbeat. Jungkook relaxed slightly, turning his head to press his ear against Jimin’s chest instead. He hummed softly, body relaxing more as he listened to the orange haired males heartbeat. Jimin was confused though.

 

“Is my heartbeat helping you relax baby?” Jungkook nodded, his eyes now feeling heavy with sleep. “Nngh” Jungkook hummed, feeling his body go lax in Jimin’s hold, only to tense up again as thunder sounded. He pressed his ear more firmly against Jimin’s chest, closing his eyes tightly as he strained to hear his heartbeat. “Oh Kookie baby~” both Tae and Hobi murmured, soothingly rubbing Jungkook’s side and hip.

 

He shuddered, whimpering trying to lean up into their hands, yet still stay attached to Jimin. Yoongi just kept mumbling lowly, speaking soothing words of encouragement, helping Jimin with toying with the maknae’s hair. Soon Namjoon and Jin returned, seeing them all cuddling and holding the maknae. Fond smiles found their way onto the duo’s lips and Namjoon at least had sense to grab the earbuds rather than the full on headphones.

 

They both approached the group and slid into the large bed, (All their beds are large for a reason, they liked cuddling often so it was only reasonable) Namjoon plugged the earbuds into his phone, and picked out a playlist he thought would help the maknae, whilst Jin slipped the sleeping mask over Jungkook’s eyes. Jungkook murmured a quick thank you to the pink haired male. Then Namjoon reached over and slipped an earbud carefully into Jungkook’s other ear, playing the soft, relaxing music he had picked out.

 

Jungkook then murmured another thank you except this time directed to the silver haired male. He felt Namjoon pat his shoulder before shifting to get more comfortable.

 

“Hmm” Jungkook hummed contentedly, eyes fluttering close. “Thank you Hyungs~” he murmured softly, smiling as he fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2 Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain  
> Blood  
> Sweat  
> Tears
> 
> Whats new?
> 
> This is a preview btw!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Depression  
> Mentions of Depression  
> Self Harm  
> Mentions of Self Harm  
> Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts(Let's see if you can find the hints of it)  
> Mentions of slight eating disorders  
> Mentions of vomiting

****

His social anxiety, and the fear of being in the spotlight constantly ignored. His social anxiety, and the fear of being in the spotlight constantly ignored.

 

I expect more from you-

 

Slacking-

 

_Why isn't_ **_he_ ** _enough?_

 

trying to ignore the disappointed and angry glares that were being sent his way.-

 

_He couldn't do it. He couldn't_ **_do_ ** _it. He was letting everyone down. He was failing his hyungs. Just like he always did._

 

_He_ **_had_ ** _to. He can't let them down._

 

_But he probably will._

 

he knew they were mad at him

 

he soon fell asleep, all his troubles forgotten.

 

_For now._

 

_He can't do anything right. He's useless. A disappointment. He should be able to handle the pressure. But he_ **_can't_ ** _. He is_ **_weak_ ** _. His hyungs don’t need him. They would be better off without him. He was_ **_worthless._ **

 

Moon shaped cuts, trickled blood down his wrists, it wasn’t enough-

 

he stumbles down the hallway

 

flinched at the harsh words-

 

His stomach churned dangerously,

 

he quickly shoved two fingers down his throat, hitting his gag reflex

 

Relief

 

he limped back to his bed, curling up under the covers, wishing that he would feel better in the morning.

 

He _did not_ feel better. In fact he felt _worse_.

 

wrist was littered in cuts,

 

red stained water

 

_They would be better off without you, you know._

 

He hated feeling

 

pain pierced his skull

 

**_JUST DO IT!_ **

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't wait to actually finish the next story.  
> Lol  
> Enjoy!


	3. The "Golden Maknae"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Edit) I just realized I forgot to add the chapter summary so here it is:
> 
> Golden- Saying that [someone] is golden means that person is in a desirable situation that will likely lead to some sort of success
> 
> Maknae- It means the youngest person in a group and its from Korean. You often hear it in Kpop when someone refers to the maknae, meaning the youngest member of the band.
> 
> Jungkook is the “Golden Maknae” of BTS meaning he can do anything and everything, right? Even with stand pressure, and still be able to perform while sick?
> 
> Or
> 
> Jungkook gets sick/injured while under the pressure to be perfect. He doesn't want his hyungs to find out for the fear of them being disappointed in him. They end up finding out anyways and they do end up being upset and disappointed in him. 
> 
> Though for completely different reasons.

****__

**_I'm sorry (I hate u)_ **

**_I love you (I hate u)_ **

**_Forgive me_ **

 

**_미안해 (I hate u)_ **

**_사랑해 (I hate u)_ **

**_용서해_ **

 

**_ごめんね (I hate you)_ **

**_Love you so (I hate you)_ **

**_許して_ **

 

**_-I Need U, 방탄소년단 (BTS)_ **

__________________________

 

Jungkook stared at PD nim as he entered the dance studio, most times nothing good ever came when he did. Everybody stopped dancing, the music cutting off as their choreographer turned it off to look at their manager.

 

Jungkook moved closer to his Hyungs as PD nim started speaking. “As of recent, I have been monitoring you all. Some of you need to work harder while others, though they are working hard, don't look like they can handle all the parts they have or some of you are slacking and need more parts to give them a push forward. So I have come up with a solution.”

 

Jungkook looked down. Usually when this happened his hyungs lost a lot of their lines and he was given them instead. Usually, he was shoved to the front more. His social anxiety, and the fear of being in the spotlight constantly ignored. Jungkook shook his head, maybe it was him losing lines instead. Maybe his hyungs were getting the spotlight they deserve. 

 

But all his hopes were shattered as PD nim started speaking once more. “Taehyung, Jimin, your voices are straining too much. I think you need a few fewer lines, and Jin you can't seem to hit all the notes correctly, I also feel like you need a few fewer lines. So I'm gonna give them to Jungkook.” Jungkook barely held back a flinch. “But, Jungkook, I expect more from you. You seem to be slacking off more. Not giving it your all. If you want to continue being an idol I suggest you stop acting like a kid. Also, work on your weight, fans keep saying that you've been gaining a lot.”

 

_ But he is a kid. And how isn't he skinny enough? Do they not see how hard he works to be fit? _

 

Jungkook's head shot up, eyes wide. “Do you understand?” Jungkook nodded quickly, ducking his head once more, and chewing his lip to hold back a whimper. 

 

_ He doesn't understand. He has been giving it his all. Why isn't it ever enough? Why isn't  _ **_he_ ** _ enough? _

 

PD nim soon left, and Jungkook kept his head bowed, trying to block out the glares his hyungs were giving him. He could do this. He was strong. He just had to push himself harder, practice more, maybe eat a few meals less. He could do this.

 

_ Who was he trying to fool?  _

 

~~~

 

Jungkook stumbled again. He was frustrated. He couldn't get this one part in the dance, yet everybody else already had the move down. He just kept tripping over his own feet. The footwork was hard, and he bit his tongue to keep from making a sound as he landed on his hands and knees. A metallic twang-filled his mouth but he got back up, and re-tried the particular move, trying to ignore the disappointed and angry glares that were being sent his way.

 

Jungkook stumbled again, and let out a frustrated sigh. He moved closer to the mirror until he was standing right in front of it, and watched himself closely as he tried the move again. He had focused too hard on watching himself rather than doing the move and tripped over himself, falling against the mirror. He winced, standing up. He had to get this, he just  _ had- _

 

“Jungkook, practice is over. Let's go.” Jungkook barely held back a flinch as the cold voice called out to him. Jungkook turned and gave Namjoon a weak smile, “You guys go on ahead, I'm gonna practice for a bit longer till I get this move down then I'll head back.” He received a sharp nod in response.

 

The door was so shut with a bang and Jungkook jumped at the loud sound. Eyes going glassy after they left. Tears of frustration and pressure-filled his eyes as he continued practicing and stumbling. In his frustration, he forcibly tried to do the move only to fall right after, dropping to the ground harshly. He cried out in pain, as his ankle also twisting in the process.

 

Tears fell, he felt useless. Weak. He was only making things harder for his hyungs.

 

_ What was new?  _

 

The pressure was too much. A choked sob bubbled up in his throat and he bit his lip harshly, blood trickling down his chin. 

 

_ He couldn't do it. He couldn't  _ **_do_ ** _ it. He was letting everyone down. He was failing his hyungs. Just like he always did. _

 

He stayed in his position, head rested on his forearms. Elbows rested against the floor, on his knees but keeping his one ankle crossed above the other to keep the pressure off it. But he knew he needed to move. He needed to see how bad his ankle was. To see if he could at least stand without causing himself too much pain.

 

Jungkook slowly moved, using the mirror to help pull himself into a standing position where he only stood on his good foot. He looked down, his ankle didn't look bad, at least the parts of his ankle he could see. Slowly he put his foot down, adding a little bit of pressure. It didn't hurt until he tried to add more pressure. He ignored it until he tried to fully stand on it. He gasped in pain, whimpering softly. 

 

_ He should have just went to the dorm with them. Even if he had to endure their cold stares. He wouldn't have been letting them down as much as be would be now if he had. Why does he always mess  _ **_everything up!?_ **

 

He closed his eyes before looking back down at his ankle and sitting carefully to evaluate it better. He rolled up his jeans carefully, wincing at the swelling and how purple it looked. He carefully prodded the tender flesh, scrutinizing it. As he evaluated it he realized that it would be fine and he would be able to use it if he at least rested it for a day. He was so glad their schedules were actually cleared for the next two days. 

 

This way his ankle was going to heal better and he won't let his hyungs down as much. 

 

_ Nah he probably still will let his hyungs down. He isn't skinny enough. He isn't working on his voice enough. He  _ **_needs to GROW UP!_ **

 

Jungkook slowly stood back up and tried to practice walking so his hyungs wouldn't get suspicious, he knew he would basically have to spend all day in bed tomorrow, and his hyungs will think he is lazy, but he'll make it up to them when they are back at practice.

 

_ He  _ **_had_ ** _ to. He can't let them down. _

 

_ But he probably will. _

 

~~~

 

Jungkook eventually stumbled back to the dorm. It had been a while since he had walked back instead of hopping into the van with his hyungs. He had judged this distance wrong, and it was killing his ankle. 

 

It was also quite cold that day, making him cough as sharp, cold air filled his lungs. It was autumn. He should have checked the forecast before leaving to the studio. 

 

_ He should have known. Why didn't he take the time to know? Why was he acting so stupid? Why does he keep letting his hyungs down?  _ **_Why is he so useless?_ **

 

Jungkook opened the door quietly. He hadn't gotten back till it was late, nearly 9 o'clock in the evening. He could hear the other members moving around in the living room, the TV playing, making a soft hum, as the show was too quiet to actually hear from where he was. Jungkook quietly took off his shoes, sighing in relief as the pressure was let off his ankle. 

 

Jungkook quietly made his way past the living room entrance, eyes the members with a longing glance. He wished he could join them but he knew he couldn’t, he knew they were mad at him, so if he joined them now all he would do is just make them more irritated. 

 

_ That’s all he can do. Make them upset. Irritate them. Disappoint them. He isn’t  _ **_good enough_ ** _. They deserve better.  _ **_He only holds them back from success_ ** _. _

 

Soon he made his way to the stairs, avoiding all the creaky steps, and spots, though with great trouble. He managed it in the end, and he quickly entered his room, shutting the door quietly, locking it as well, before limping to his bed. He grabbed one of his pillows, placing at the end of the bed under the covers. He’s had enough sprained ankles to know he needed to elevate it.

 

Soon after Jungkook crawled under the covers, snuggling into the warmth of his bed before plugging his phone in and sticking his earbuds into his ears. He listens to the soft melody, making him sleepy. With his foot elevated, and his body warm and comfortable, he soon fell asleep, all his troubles forgotten.

 

_ For now. _

 

~~~

 

Jungkook woke with a start, a loud banging noise filling the room as someone pounded on his bedroom door. “Get up Jungkook! You’ve already slept till noon! Don’t be lazy!” snarled a voice, the person behind the door obviously annoyed. Jungkook couldn’t make out who it was in his sleep filled mind, but he knew they were upset, and with  _ him _ . 

 

“I-I’m up!” he called back, trying to sit up, only to fall back against his pillows as a wave of dizziness washed over him. He groaned quietly, his body feeling like dead weight, and his stomach turning harshly, eyes heavy. He soon fell back into a restless sleep.

 

_ Probably further annoying his hyungs. _

 

~~~

 

Jungkook’s eyes blinked open again. Gaze hazy with sleep, and he slowly sat up, stretching his limbs. Jungkook gasped in pain, as he moved his ankle in a weird way. Eyes falling shut as he remembered how he had sprained it the other day.

 

Jungkook slowly stood up, holding the nightstand for leverage. His stomach turned harshly, he felt sick, but he can’t get sick now. He had people to please. Jungkook's hair was a complete mess, and his attire was rumpled. Jungkook groaned. Opening his eyes, only to close them once more as his vision blurred. Another dizzy spell washed over him and he gripped the nightstand, trying not to collapse.

 

He whimpered softly, but forced himself to head to the bathroom and at least shower. Jungkook limped over, not wanting to put pressure on his ankle. Then he realized something. He didn't ice the damn thing. He swore under his breath and looked towards his bedroom door. Only to jump as someone banged on it, “Dinner time Jungkook!”

 

“I'm not hungry hyung! Sorry!” Jungkook called back. He didn't feel like he could stomach it. It’d just come back up. “I don't care if you aren't hungry! You haven't eaten all day!” Seokjin snapped. Jungkook flinched. “Fine! But I'm going to shower first!” Jungkook replied, voice almost breaking at the end. His hyungs were still mad at him? 

 

_ Why wouldn't they be though? I keep disappointing them. I keep just keep screwing up. _

 

Jungkook quickly entered the bathroom, stripping down, turning on the water and entering before it even grew hot. He shivered as the cold water started to warm, closing his eyes, as he tried not to put weight on his ankle. Soon the water was scalding but Jungkook made no move to turn it down. Letting the water wash over his skin, leaving it a bright red. He didn't realize he was crying until he reached up to rub at his eyes. 

 

_ Why can't he do anything right? Why does he have to be a disappointment? Why can't he make his hyungs proud for once? _

 

Jungkook slowly sank to a sitting position, pulling his knees to his chest. Hot tears mixed with the scalding water, the pounding of the water drowning out his quiet sobs. 

 

_ He can't do anything right. He's useless. A disappointment. He should be able to handle the pressure. But he  _ **_can't_ ** _. He is  _ **_weak_ ** _. His hyungs don’t need him. They would be better off without him. He was  _ **_worthless._ **

 

Jungkook cried harder, his sobs no longer quiet but still muffled by the water. He truly was useless. His hyungs deserved better. He didn't deserve them. Jungkook dug his nails into his wrists subconsciously only to pull back in surprise when he broke the skin. 

 

Moon shaped cuts, trickled blood down his wrists, it wasn’t enough to stain the water pink but it was enough to distract him from his thoughts.

 

_ He deserved this pain. No, he deserved worse actually but this will do for now. _

 

Jungkook dug his nails into his skin again, watching the blood that trickled and dripped to the shower floor, washing down the drain. Slowly Jungkook stopped crying and shakily stood up, still not putting pressure on his ankle. He turned off the water, and grabbed one of the fluffy black towels beside the shower, wrapping it around his waist, using another to dry off his hair.

 

Jungkook only made his way out the bathroom and to his closet, pulling out a pair of black sweatpants and a plain, dark grey long sleeve. He then went to his drawer and grabbed some socks and underwear, quickly dressing. Though he struggled a bit with the sweats. Soon he was ready to head down. Though he wasn’t actually sure if he was completely ready. He couldn’t face his hyungs. What if he disappointed them again?

 

_ It’s not a question of if. He knows he will. He just wished he could make them proud but he never will.  _ **_He will never make his hyungs happy. They will never love him as he loves them. He DOESN’T DESERVE their love_ ** _. He never will. _

 

Jungkook hesitantly unlocks his bedroom door, opening it and glancing down the hallway, before exiting. The door closes behind him with a soft click, and he stumbles down the hallway, trying not to wince as he puts pressure on his ankle. He eventually succeeds in making it to the stairs but hesitates once he reaches them. How is he supposed to get down there without falling!?

 

Jungkook sighed and gripped the railing, putting most of his weight on it as he carefully made his way down the stairs. Putting  _ zero _ weight on his ankle. He eventually got down them, sighing in relief that he hadn’t fallen. 

 

“Jungkook- Oh there you are! Hurry up! We’ve been waiting for you!” Yoongi called, voice irritated.

 

“Y-you guys didn’t have to. You could have just started without me”

 

“We should have” came the cold response.

 

Jungkook internally flinched at the harsh words, bowing his head.

 

“Now come on! You’re taking forever! I know you aren’t hungry but that doesn’t mean you have to sit around and let us go hungry while we wait for you!” snapped the older male, glaring at the dark haired maknae. Jungkook just nodded weakly and followed his hyung to the kitchen, head still bowed.

 

**_(I swear I’m not trying to make them so harsh I’m just trying to make the story flow! Sorry!)_ **

 

_ How could he do this to his hyungs? Of course, they would wait for him! They always eat dinner together! Even if they weren't on good terms with each other! How could he be so cruel and let them suffer!? _

 

Jungkook quietly made his way to his spot at the table and sat down, head still bowed. 

 

“Well, Jungkook!? Eat up! I didn’t make this for decoration!” Seokjin snapped. Jungkook nodded, and picked up his chopsticks, picking up a bit of Kimchi and eating it. His stomach churned dangerously, the spices in the food not agreeing with his stomach. Jungkook inhaled sharply through his nose, yet picked up more of the food. Trying to eat it before he just threw it back up. When he was halfway done his plate he knew he couldn’t eat anymore. His stomach was constricting and churning. “I-I’m done. I-I’m sorry I c-can’t eat anymore”

 

Jungkook stood up, picking up his plate, and putting the leftovers in a container. He then put the container in the fridge before proceeding to wash the dishes he used, exiting the kitchen soon after. 

 

Jungkook quickly hobbled up the stairs, and down the hallway to his room. He entered his room, locking the door behind him before dashing for the bathroom, and dropping to his knees in front of the toilet. Jungkook gagged, but nothing came up but acid, burning his throat. A short sob left him and he hunched over. He hated the feeling in his stomach, like a heavyweight, weighing him down whilst continuously moving. Jungkook gagged again, yet still, nothing came up. Tears were streaming down his face as he continued to try and force up his dinner.

 

Suddenly an idea hit Jungkook, and he quickly shoved two fingers down his throat, hitting his gag reflex. He had just pulled his fingers out in time, as he started throwing up the food. Relief flooded him as the weight in his stomach lessened to nothing. Once he finished throwing everything up he flushed the toilet and washed his hands. Then proceeded to brush his teeth and rinse his mouth with mouthwash. 

 

Once he was done he limped back to his bed, curling up under the covers, wishing that he would feel better in the morning.

 

~~~

 

He  _ did not _ feel better. In fact, he felt  _ worse _ . Jungkook groaned, closing his eyes tightly. He felt cold and clammy. His head  _ hurt _ , and his throat felt like it had been torn apart. His stomach also didn’t feel any better, instead, it was churning more viciously. The only good thing was his ankle no longer hurt because of the constant rest he had given it.  **_(This is not how real life sprains work this is just to make the story work please don’t complain or criticize me in the comments, I am already well aware that this is incorrect. This is a fanfic. It is bound to have some exaggerated things in it.)_ **

 

It felt like the world was spinning once he opened his eyes. He blinked, trying to clear his vision, and brought his hand up to his temple. The headache was become a migraine, spreading throughout his head, making it feel like it was killing him.

 

_ And maybe it was. _

 

Jungkook slowly sat up, glancing at his alarm clock with bleary eyes. 7:30 am. Jungkook whimpered, wishing he could fall back asleep, but his body to restless and in pain to be able to. As Jungkook moved around more, the more he felt his sore, cramped muscles. 

 

He winced in pain.

 

This was not how this morning was supposed to go. He was going to apologize to his hyungs. Try to make it up to them. But he couldn’t. 

 

_ Like always he kept screwing things up. _

 

**_(Next part is where the trigger warnings really come into place! Please be aware! Also be aware that what causes someone to start self-harming isn't always fast or in the way I wrote it! I also speed it up a little so the story could move along a little faster.)_ **

 

Jungkook stood with a groan, stumbling over to the bathroom. He needed another shower, and maybe something else to distract him. As he entered the bathroom he noticed a box of razors blades. He opened it hesitantly. The razor blades were meant to be a replacement blade for his razor, for when he actually needed to start shaving. 

 

_ They were just what he needed, and gave just what he deserved. Pain. He’s spilled sweat and tears for his hyungs, maybe he should add a bit of blood to the mix. He deserved to be in pain anyways. _

 

_ At least that’s what he’s convinced himself he deserves. _

 

Jungkook grabbed one of the blades, though he was still hesitant. 

 

_ Do it. You deserve it. Do it. You are worthless. Do it. Nobody will notice anything. Do it. You are holding everyone back. Do it. You deserve worse.  _ **_DO IT!_ **

 

A hard glint shone in his eye. He deserved pain. He no longer hesitated, turning on the shower all the way, and stripping down. He placed the blade on a table beside the shower and entered, the water already scalding hot. Burning his skin. He gasped slightly as the crescent-shaped cuts from yesterday stung slightly.

 

_ He deserved worse. _

 

Jungkook quickly showered, but after he was done, he did not turn off the water. Nor did he go to exit it. Instead, he grabbed the blade off the table and stared at it. Thinking of where he could leave the scars. Where it would be easier to hide. 

 

_ Just do it. Don’t think about it. Just do it. You can easily hide it with long sleeves, hoodies, and long pants.  _ **_JUST DO IT!_ **

 

Jungkook’s eyes burned with self-hatred, as he brought the blade to his wrist. His hands shook slightly, but he was determined. 

 

_ You deserve it. You deserve it. Why are you waiting? Just give yourself  _ **_what you DESERVE._ **

 

Jungkook pressed the blade down, sliding it quickly across his wrist. It wasn’t deep but he let out a gasp at the sharp sting that accompanied it. Though he quickly grew addicted to that pain as he brought the blade back down, only slightly lower than the last and drew it across again. The stinging sensation doubling. 

 

_ They would be better off without you, you know. _

 

No. No, he was too young. He would never do that. Plus he deserved to suffer anyways, if he did that, then that would just end his suffering and he didn’t deserve peace. 

 

Soon his wrist was littered in cuts, as well as his thighs, and he was now watching the red stained water drip down the drain. Tear tracks now washed off his cheeks. Jungkook stood, and grabbed a fluffy black towel, wincing when the material rubbed against his cuts, but Jungkook just ignored it. He walked over to his bathroom cabinet, pulling out the first aid kit. He wasn’t going to allow his cuts to get infected, because then people would find out. He couldn’t let that happen.

 

Carefully he poured peroxide over the cuts, wincing at the sting the peroxide left as it cleaned them. Then he wrapped them tightly in gauze, making sure it was secure, especially the ones on his wrist. He didn’t want it peeking out from under his hoodie now did he? 

 

As he finished, he hid the evidence, making sure all the blood was washed down the drain, and the first aid kit safely hidden back in the cabinet. He then turned off the shower, wrapping the towel around his waist and exiting the bathroom, trying to ignore the pounding in his head, and how his muscles still ached. He tried to ignore the churning in his stomach. All of this had left him temporarily, freeing him of his pain, as he had been lost in his own mind, but they have now come back with vengeance. 

 

He groaned but quickly got dressed, wearing long, yet slightly tight, pants(not tight enough for the gauze to be noticeable, mind you) and an oversized sweatshirt that created sweater paws. He yawned softly, glancing at the clock. It was now 8:00. He hated feeling the way he was. Hated the churning of his stomach. Hated the pounding of his head. Hated the way his torn throat felt every time he tried to swallow. Hated the way he felt cold even though it was the middle of summer. Hated how tired he felt, yet how he couldn’t fall asleep at the same time.  

 

His eyes felt heavy, and he yawned again, grimacing as pain pierced his skull. His headache now a full-blown migraine, as he left his room. He stumbled down the hallway once more, but this time it wasn’t because of his ankle, but rather how tired he felt. Jungkook soon made it through the hallway and down the stairs, plopping himself down at the kitchen table. He let his head drop down to rest against the table, the cool surface sort of (not really) distracting him from his pounding headache.

 

Jungkook startled as a voice called out to him. “Jungkook? What are you doing awake?” Jungkook’s head swivels to look up at Seokjin, only to have his headache pierce his skull. He bit his tongue to hold in a whimper. Didn’t need to bother his hyungs anymore with his problems.

 

_ All I do is bother them. Never doing anything right. Why can’t I do anything right!? _

 

“Just couldn't sleep hyung” Jungkook murmured. “Well it's a good thing you woke up, there was a change of schedule and today isn't a day off anymore. They moved that to next week, so go get ready.” Seokjin said a little stiffly. Jungkook stared in confusion, “Seokjin hyung? Why did they change it?” 

 

_ Stop asking questions! They'd like you better if you just obeyed like a good little maknae.  _

 

Seokjin sighed in annoyance. “Because apparently some of us are slacking off and need to work harder.” Seokjin replied, glaring slightly at the younger.

 

_ I haven't been slacking! I've been giving it my all! Why is it never enough? _

 

_ Oh right. I'm supposed to be “Golden” I'm supposed to be “perfect”. They can't afford a dud maknae. I'm supposed to be the Golden Maknae. _

  
  


Jungkook nodded, and got up, going slightly dizzy at the movement. He gave his hyung a weak smile, before making his way over to the hallway. He could do this. He could get through practice.

 

_ Who was he trying to fool? _

 

~~~

 

Jungkook barely held back a whimper as they finished off the dance for the 8th time that morning. His limbs were aching and he felt like he could pass out at any moment. His stomach was still churning, he felt like he could lose whatever was left in his stomach. 

 

“Everybody take a 15-minute break! Eat, drink, rest up. We'll be back at it right after”

 

Jungkook just about sighed in relief as he made his way over to his bag and grabbed a water bottle. Chugging down half of it, he slumped against the wall. Exhaustion felt like it was creeping up on him, weighing down his eyelids, making the flutter shut. Jungkook blinked hard. He couldn't fall asleep. He still needed to practice the dance until he had it mastered. 

 

He screwed the lid back onto his bottle and stood back up fully. Heading towards the front if the mirror to practice a bit more. His body felt weary and heavy as he tried to do the dance moves, only for them to come out as short and sloppy. Not how they were supposed to look at all. Jungkook sighed and rubbed at his eyes. Determined to master it.

 

“Jungkook, you should seriously take a break” Jimin warned, Jungkook hummed. “B-but I haven't gotten the dance down fully! I-I really need to!”  _ I don't want to disappoint you guys any further. _ “Get over here Jungkook, you aren't gonna be able to do anything this tired. Jungkook sighed again, but obliged “Okay Jiminie hyung” he murmured. 

 

Jungkook made his way over to Jimin, curling up against the older **_(taller! He's gonna be taller in this book and if y'all don't like it, fucking fight me!)_ ** male. 

 

“Jeez, how much do you weigh? Get off, you're heavy Jungkook”

 

Jungkook froze at that comment. 

 

_ How was he heavy? He hasn't been eating much anymore! He should be getting lighter now. Right? _

 

“S-Sorry hyung” Jungkook quickly murmured, sitting up. 

 

“Better be” Jimin muttered underneath his breath. Jungkook still heard it though. He felt his heart shatter. He knew they were all angry at him for getting more parts and taking their parts but it wasn't his fault! He didn't want the parts! He wanted to be in the background! And maybe they were also angry he couldn't get the choreos correct, but that didn't mean they had to be so harsh.

 

_ But maybe it was his fault. Maybe he should have gotten the choreography down. He should be doing  _ **_better_ ** _! Why can't he do better? He doesn't deserve to be pain-free. He deserves all the coldness from them. He is such a screw up. He's only messing up his hyung's careers. _

 

“I'll be back. I'm just gonna use the washroom real quick.” Jungkook muttered, getting up and quickly heading out of the studio room, and heading down the hallway to the restrooms. 

 

He locked the door and sank to his knees as soon as he entered. Tears slipped down his face, and a soft sob escaped him.  _ Why isn’t he  _ **_enough_ ** _. _ Why was he this way? Why was he always screwing up? Why can't he live up to the title given to him. How was he the Golden Maknae. 

 

Whimpers left his mouth as he curled in on himself. Tears dripped steadily down his cheeks. Eyes shining like newly cut glass. He wished he had something sharp, maybe there is something in here that's sharp? 

 

Jungkook shakily stood, stumbling slightly as he did, and headed over to the sink. Nothing. There was nothing. Jungkook let out a frustrated sob, grabbing at his hair and tugging sharply. It wasn’t  **_enough_ ** . 

 

“Jungkook? Break is over in 5 minutes. Hurry up!” A voice called through the door. Jungkook didn’t trust his own voice but called out anyway, “Alright! I’ll be out soon hyung!” he was surprised when his voice didn’t break but held strong instead. 

 

“Actually Jungkook? Could you let me in?” the voice called, Seokjin’s voice, his mind supplied. Jungkook froze. He’s gonna find out. His hyung won’t like him if he saw how broken Jungkook truly was. He would be disgusted.

 

_ He’s gonna see me as I truly am. A freak. Someone who should be gone from this world- _

 

_ No! Don’t think that way. It will only end the suffering faster and I deserve to suffer more than this.  _

 

“Jungkook?”

 

Jungkook whimpered, not be able to hold it back. “Jungkook? Kookie? What's wrong? Please let me in” 

 

“I-I can’t. I’m sorry hyung. I-I can’t l-let you see me t-this wa-way.” Jungkook whimpered, tears streaming faster down his face. He reached up and tugged his hair again, trying to ignore his hyungs frantic pleading on the other side of the door. 

 

_ He couldn’t let his hyung see him this way. He just couldn’t. He shouldn’t burden the elder further. _

 

“Namjoon!”

 

Jungkook winced at Seokjin’s shrill voice as he called for the leader. The loudness hurting his already pounding head. He whimpered as his stomach lurched dangerously. His limbs still ached, and everything still felt cold, even after all the dancing he had done. Jungkook dropped to his knees, breathe coming out in pants as he felt bile rise up in his throat. 

 

“Seokjin hyung? What's wrong?” 

 

Jungkook heard Namjoon’s deep voice outside the door and it drew a whimper from his lips. He tried to fight the bile that was still rising in his throat, making the previous soreness burn worse than before. Jungkook wanted his hyungs, wanted their comfort, wanted them to hold him.

 

_ No! I don’t deserve it! I don’t deserve their soothing words or comfort. I don’t deserve their kindness. I’ll only burden them further! _

 

“It’s Jungkook! Somethings is wrong but he won’t let me in!” Seokjin’s worried voice filled his ears, and he cried harder, shoving a hand in his mouth to muffle the sound. 

 

“I’m sure he’s fine, just give him some space, we’ll start up practice again without him, c’mon” Namjoon's cold voice muttered.

 

Jungkook wanted to call out, to beg them not to leave him but he couldn’t. 

 

_ They left. _

 

~~~

 

Jungkook left the bathroom soon after. Well after he hid the evidence of his tears, and pain. After he blanked his face, and put on his mask once more. 

 

Jungkook entered the dance studio, and took his place once more, ignoring Seokjin’s worried gaze, letting the music fill his being and danced.

 

_ Before we say goodbye, let go _

_ But I’m lost in the maze of my heart _

_ From stereo to mono _

_ That’s how the path splits _

 

He stumbled, but continued.

 

_ If my fate is to disappear like this, then this is my last letter _

_ Penned words, written then erased _

_ Feelings for you, so many to let go _

_ Unpuzzle my lego _

_ At a level where it can’t return to its original shape _

_ So be it don’t cry _

_ I’mma let you go and fly _

 

Another stumble, aching limbs.

 

_ Hectic days, keeping myself busy _

_ Distraction filled schedule _

_ But I won’t forget _

_ Burned into the back of my mind like tattoo _

_ We can’t return to those days _

_ If I could, I’d call your name _

_ No… But I’ll accept your blame _

_ It really is time to say goodbye _

 

Eyes burning with unshed tears, but carrying on.

 

_ Before we say goodbye, let go _

_ But I’m lost in the maze of my heart _

_ From Stereo to mono _

_ That’s how the path splits _

_ It continues _

 

Stumbling again.

 

_ In order to release your hand right now _

_ I gotta let you know that I need to let you go _

_ Hard to say goodbye _

_ But I can’t run _

_ I’m ready to let go _

_ I’m ready to let go _

_ I’m ready to let go _

 

Stomach churning, head pounding.

 

_ What have you been up to lately? _

_ Who are you thinking of so far away? _

_ Life without you is really unbelievable _

_ But even so I still gotta go _

_ To the person I loved too much _

_ To the red thread that got to entangled in itself _

_ I couldn’t reach you, so I’ll walk a separate path _

_ For that reason I’ll say goodbye _

 

Vision blurring, emotions coursing. 

 

_ At first everyday is like that _

_ Beyond the tears hidden in the rain _

_ I’ll wait for you, let’s start over _

_ So that in the future _

_ I can meet you again with a smile _

 

_ Not  _ **_good enough_ ** .

 

_ In order to release your hand right now _

_ I gotta let you know that I need to let you go _

_ Hard to say goodbye _

_ But I can’t run _

_ I’m ready to let go _

_ I’m ready to let go _

_ I’m ready to let go _

 

_ Not  _ **_skinny enough_ ** .

 

_ The color of the sky we saw together _

_ The scent of the path we walked down together _

_ Don’t forget them _

 

_ Just a  _ **_burden_ ** _. _

 

_ In order to release your hand right now _

_ I gotta let you know that I need to let you go _

_ Hard to say goodbye _

_ But I can’t run _

 

Another stumble.

 

_ I’m ready to let go _

 

A trip.

 

_ I’m ready to let go _

 

A fall.

 

_ I’m ready to let go _

 

**_( I know this is an older song, I just liked the lyrics, if you don’t like the fact that I did leave.)_ **

 

Silence.

 

Seokjin rushed over to Jungkook’s side, worry painting his features. “Jungkook?” Jungkook raised his head, and looked up at the older male.

 

He glanced around, some of the other members were scowling like he had meant to fall. Like he had meant to draw all the attention to himself.

 

_ But you want them to notice you, don’t you? You’re such an attention whore. _

 

“H-Hyung” he whimpered. Seokjin dropped to his knees and pulled Jungkook into his arms, burying his face in the smaller’s hair. Jungkook pulled away. 

 

“Jungkook? What's wrong? Are you sick?” Seokjin fretted, checking Jungkook’s temperature. Jungkook pulled away again though.

 

_ I have to be strong. Can’t burden them further. They don’t deserve that. _

 

“I-I’m fine hyung, honestly”

 

“Bullshit” a cold voice snarled. Jungkook flinched. 

 

“Can we please just continue practice, I’m seriously fine” Jungkook murmured with pleading eyes, “L-Let’s work on one of the newer songs?” 

 

Nobody could deny him. 

 

So they continued.

 

**_(I know okay, shh it's not a newer song, but the new Love Yourself era doesnt have depressing songs and I like 2! 3! So leave me be lol. Also I'm pretty sure there isn't an actual choreography for either of these songs but like, just pretend)_ **

 

_ Been trying to tell you this _

_ I was supposed to tell you this _

_ This is all for you _

_ Let’s only walk on flower trails, _

_ I can’t say that _

_ Let’s only see good things, _

_ I can’t say that either _

_ Saying that there will only be good things from now on _

_ Saying that you won’t get hurt _

_ I can’t say that _

_ I can’t lie like that _

 

Pain, heartache.

 

_ Because you’re all Idols, it sucks even if I don’t hear it _

_ I don’t like your lyrics, it’s a video even if I don’t see it _

_ Because you don’t have the power _

_ You would certainly have done dirty deeds _

_ Observing how you act, soon you’ll cease to exist _

_ (Thank you so much) Because of all your self-reproach _

_ I was able to prove myself something _

_ I wasn’t able to do in high school _

_ Hands clapping yes keep on going, keep on going _

_ We’ll be happy by ourselves good yeah I’m good _

 

_ Stupid, worthless,  _ **_nothing_ ** _. _

 

_ It’s okay come on when I say one, two, three forget it _

_ Erase all sad memories _

_ Hold my hand and smile _

_ It’s okay come on when I say one, two, three forget it _

_ Erase all sad memories _

_ Smile holding onto each other’s hands _

 

_ Broken. _

 

_ Hoping for more good days _

_ If you believe what I say then one, two, three _

_ If you believe then one, two, three _

_ Hoping for more good days _

_ If you believe what I say then one, two, three _

_ Hoping that everything will change when we say, _

 

_ One, two, three _

_ For a better day _

_ Because we are _

_ Together _

 

_ Lost. _

 

_ Me, a shadow behind the stage, me, in depth of darkness _

_ I didn’t want to show everything including my pain _

_ But because I’m still unaccustomed _

_ I just wanted to make you smile _

_ I wanted to do good. _

 

_ Will I ever be  _ **_good enough_ ** _. _

 

_ (So thanks) Believing in someone like me _

_ Dealing with these tears and wounds _

_ (So thanks) For becoming my light _

_ For becoming the flower in the most beautiful moment in life _

 

_ A single tear. _

 

_ It’s okay come on when I say one, two, three forget it _

_ Erase all sad memories _

_ Hold my hand and smile _

_ It’s okay come on when I say one, two, three forget it _

_ Erase all sad memories _

_ Smile holding onto each other’s hands _

 

_ The need for a sharp sting. _

 

_ Hoping for more good days _

_ If you believe what I say one, two, three _

_ If you believe then one, two, three _

_ Hoping for more good days _

_ I you believe what I say then one, two, three _

_ If you believe then one, two, three _

 

_ If you believe then one, two, three _

_ If you believe then one, two, three _

_ If you believe then one, two, three _

_ If you believe then one, two, three _

 

_ What would my hyungs think of me if they knew my thoughts? _

 

_ It’s okay come on when I say one, two, three forget it _

_ Erase all sad memories _

_ Hold my hand and smile _

_ It’s okay come on when I say one, two, three forget it _

_ Erase all sad memories _

_ Smile holding onto each other’s hands _

 

_ Hoping for more good days _

_ If you believe what I say then one, two, three _

_ If you believe then one, two three _

_ Hoping for more good days _

_ If you believe what I say then one, two, three _

_ If you believe then one, two, three _

 

_ Pathetic. _

 

_ It’s okay come on when I say one, two, three forget it _

_ Erase all sad memories _

_ Hold my hand and smile _

_ It’s okay come on when I say one, two, three forget it _

_ Erase all sad memories _

 

_ Dizziness. _

 

_ Smiling holding onto each other’s hands _

 

_ Darkness. _

 

~~~

 

Jungkook came to immediately, nobody realising he had actually passed out, they just thought he tripped. 

 

“Step up your game Kook! I thought you had this choreography down? Jeez you really have been slacking haven’t you?” Namjoon called, a glare in his sharp eyes. 

 

“S-Sorry hyung, I-I’ll work harder” Jungkook murmured, getting up with his head bowed. “You better” he heard someone mutter, Jungkook glanced in the direction of the voice to find Jimin scowling in his direction. He barely held back a flinch. Seokjin looked at him with searching eyes, trying to see if he had really just messed up a step, or if it was something deeper than that. Worry was hidden in his hyungs dark eyes, though he didn’t seem to find what he was looking for in Jungkook’s and his shoulders seemed to slump slightly in defeat. 

 

“Again! We’re doing this again!” Namjoon called out. The rest of the group groaning in dismay. Glares almost as sharp as daggers were thrown Jungkook’s way, piercing his heart.

 

Jungkook, doesn’t think he can carry on though.

 

~~~

 

Jungkook surprisingly made it through practice, tripping up through the choreo every now and again, but made it without anymore of an incident than that. 

 

Sweat dripped from his hair and into his eyes, the rest of the members were heading back to the dorms but Jungkook decided to stay behind. He needed to prove he wasn’t slacking. That he truly was giving it his all. 

 

“Jungkook? Are you coming back to the dorms with us?” Seokjin asked, drawing the rest of the member’s attention to him. He blanched under the attention but managed to answer, “Sorry hyung, I think I’m gonna stay for another hour or so. I really need to get this choreography down”

 

“Good riddance” a deep voice muttered. Taehyung. Did Tae really not want him around anymore? Was he really that much of a burden? His heart ached, eyes glistening but going unnoticed. 

 

“You sure Jungkook? I think you’re fine, you’re doing better at the choreography than I am, did you see the way I fell at the last step last time? You’re doing good, come home” Seokjin spoke, seemingly trying to make Jungkook feel better about the way he danced.

 

“Who are you kidding? Jungkook was horrible, you shouldn't lie to him like that hyung, he needs to get better. I think he  _ should _ stay here for a few more hours.” Yoongi scoffed, Hoseok following along and nodding his head in agreement. “Yea Hyung, Jungkook was actually way worse, you were doing amazing hyung, Jungkook should work more to be like you” 

 

Jungkook bowed his head, the pain in his heart doubling, making itself larger than the pain his body already feels. Bile rose in his throat.

 

_ Was he really doing that bad?  _

 

~~~

 

Jungkook had finally decided to stop practicing, having gotten the choreography down. The adrenaline that had been rushing through his blood was now subsiding. The dull ache returning to his muscles, along with the churning of his stomach. Jungkook collapsed to his knees, a heave choking him. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, everything was pressing down on him. Dizziness spun through him and he heaved again, stomach acid burning his throat. Clear liquid was spat out and it  _ burned _ . His head was pounding like someone was smashing a sledge hammer against his skull. Tears dripped down his face and he let out a sob, tearing his throat. 

 

_ Stop crying you idiot! You’re going to destroy your throat and then you won't be able to record your vocals tomorrow! You just keep disappointing your hyungs don’t you? _

 

A door slammed, “Jungkook! Time to get back to the dorms! You’ve been here for too long and it won’t do the group well if you overwork yourse- Jungkook?”

 

Another sob tore through him, he muffled it.

 

_ No, they can’t see him this way. He’s already done enough damage. _

 

He steadied his breathing as much as possible, hoping they won't come into the dance room he was using(He had switched rooms to find one with a mirror the wrapped around the whole room so he could figure out where he was going wrong). “I’ll be right there! I’m just gonna shower first and then we can go!” 

 

“Alright!” the voice called back, one which Jungkook thinks belongs to Yoongi, though he isn’t completely sure. He didn’t know anymore. They haven’t spoken to him in forever. 

 

Jungkook gathered his stuff, and cleaned up the bile, making sure the room didn’t smell anymore. He then headed to the shower room, glad he had remembered to bring a spare change of clothes. 

 

He entered the room quietly and set his stuff, turning on the shower, and checking the temperature. Once it was at the right temperature he stripped and hopped in, letting the water hit his body, the heat to it making it feel as though it was pelting him. He washed his hair, and body making sure to get all the sweat off, and making sure he was  _ clean _ . The heat of the water, eased some of the tension out of his sore muscles, plus settled him stomach slightly. He revealed in the small relief from the pain. His headache tampered down as well as he listed to the soothing sound of the water hitting the tile floor. 

 

Jungkook shut his eyes, his body falling limp as he barely stood as under the spray of the water. 

 

“Hurry up Jungkook! Stop wasting my time”

 

_ Burden. _

 

_ Worhtless. _

 

_ A bother. _

 

_ And idiot. _

 

_ Slacker. _

 

_ Attention whore. _

 

_ Why can’t you do anything right!? Stop being a burden! How could you forget all about your hyung waiting for you? You idiot. _

 

Guilt and shame filled his heart, and took over his being, eyes watering slightly. No he can’t start crying again. He’ll only make things harder for his hyungs.

 

Jungkook hurriedly got of the shower accidentally brushing the cuts on his thighs, making him wince. He had forgotten about the cuts. He can’t wear his change of clothes now. Well he can wear the sweats but not the T-shirt. They’ll be completely on display.  _ But all his other stuff is gross and sweaty! _

 

Maybe he has a sweater hidden in his stuff? He isn’t really that stupid is he? He’s got to have one. Doesn't he usually keep one for Jimin for when he stays at the studio longer than he's supposed to? Doesn’t he have one for Jimin because of how cold it gets in the studio? He’s got to! 

 

Jungkook frantically searches his duffle bag, only to come out empty handed.

 

_ Maybe it's in his backpack! _

 

Fear grips his heart, and he’s on the verge of having a panic attack, but he quickly searches the bag, relief flooding him when he touches the soft material of the sweater. He pulls it out and gets dressed, pulling it over his head. The sweater is a deep blue, and it makes his pale skin contrast greatly against it. 

 

A bang on the dorr startles him. “Lets go!” 

 

“I-I’m ready! I’m coming!” Jungkook scolds himself for the slight tremor in his voice and checks himself in the mirror again. There’s no way of telling he had been crying, or there’s no scent of the bile that had rose from within him. There’s no way of telling that he’s breaking. He gathers his stuff once again and exits the room. He doesn’t feel ready to face his hyung. 

 

~~~

 

Jungkook had been right it had been Yoongi who had come to get him. When Jungkook had exited the bathroom, his expression was clearly annoyed. Another bout of guilt had filled Jungkook, but he had kept his face blank and had bowed his head, letting Yoongi lead the way. They were at the dorms now and Yoongi was unlocking the door. Laughter and shouting could be heard from inside. Jungkook wished he could join them. He missed fooling around with them like this so much. But he doesn’t deserve to be there, nor do they want him with them. 

 

**_(Trigger warnings ahead!!)_ **

 

Jungkook silently entered dorms, quietly murmuring a quick  _ thank you _ , to Yoongi and making his way up to his room. He closed his door quietly, locking it and dropping his stuff. He sighed. Thoughts swarming his mind, making the faint headache increase, to a dull throb. 

 

_ What is wrong with him? Why does it feel like he’s drowning? Like a heavy weight is being pressed to his chest and dragging him down into the darkest depths of his mind. His mind screaming as though it was his lungs begging for air. Why does he feel like… dying? His hyungs would be better off without him sure, but does that really mean they’d be better off if he was… dead?  _

 

_ His wrist itched for something sharp to be dragged across it. For red to drip from his veins, and drop to the ground like sand in an hourglass. His time running short to stop the bleeding. Why does he want to create his art, but in a way no one would see. Why does he feel the urge to dig a blade into his wrist just to feel the blood seep out and feel like he's actually making his hyungs proud for once. _

 

_ Would they really be proud of him if he had… let himself… just…. Die? Disappear off the face of Earth and never return? Would that really be what they would want? _

 

Hot tears pricked at his eyes, as he scratched listlessly at his wrist, the gauze getting in the way of drawing blood. Soon though the scratching isn’t as listless anymore and he realises what he’s doing. He picks away at the gauze, slowly pulling it away to reveal angry red cuts. He runs a finger over them, pain lacing through his arm as he does. Only to do it again right after. His mind searching for the pain it caused him. He wanted more. 

 

Slowly he made his way over to the bathroom attached to his room, and grabbed one of the razors in the box, a new one. A fresh one, for the new cuts he's about to make. He sat down on the toilet lid, rolling his sleeve further up his arm. 

 

He pressed the blade onto an unmarked section of skin, hesitating slightly.

 

_ Why do you keep hesitating!? This isn’t your first time doing it! Stop being such a coward and just  _ **_do it. Slit your wrist, make yourself bleed. Kill yourself. Just end it all and make your hyungs happy for once!_ **

 

_ No he couldn’t kill himself. He still had hope his hyungs cared.  _

 

_ You foolish boy. _

 

~~~

 

Jungkook awoke the next morning with an aching wrist, and a pounding his head. He couldn’t move. Everything hurt. His stomach lurched and he barely managed to turn onto his side as he spilled the contents of his stomach onto the floor. A whimper left his lips, as his stomach lurched again. Everything felt hot and cold at the same time, it was like he was burning alive from the inside, yet on the outside his body felt like it had been dunked in ice cold water. Sweat covered his skin, and his clothes were soaked with it. Whimpers continuously fell from his lips, and his body was shaking harshly. He pulled the covers closer against his skin, only to push them away again feeling as though it had burned him. 

 

Tears streaked his face as the pain intensified, everything  _ hurt _ . His mind was clouded with fever, and he couldn’t think straight. He called out to his hyungs weakly. “H-Hyung?” 

 

Nobody can hear him can they? A sob ripped from him. He wanted his Eomma. She would make everything better. He also wanted Seokjin though. Seokjin a new more about medicines and how to make him better faster. He needed them both. But he also needed the rest of the hyungs for their doteing ways, and the comfort they bring. Jungkook started to really cry, whimpers and sobs both leaving him, and he called out for his hyungs again. His voice sounding broken even to his own ears. 

 

“H-Hyungs!” 

 

“Jungkook?” relief filled him someone had heard him, but as soon as the relief came it was overtaken by more pain, as his stomach churned making stomach acid spill from his mouth. “Hyy-hyung” Jungkook cried, as the pain blurred his vision.

 

The door opened, and Seokjin came in with a worried expression, his expression intensifying upon seeing the state Jungkook was in. Jungkook thanked whoever was out there for letting him unlock that door last night. 

 

“Oh Kookie, why didn’t you tell hyung before when you were feeling sick” Seokjin murmured as he carefully avoided the bile on the floor, and cradled Jungkook’s face in his hands.

 

“H-hurts hyung. E-Everything hur-hurts” 

 

“Shhh, I know baby. I know” Seokjin soothed, carefully picking him up. He immediately wrapped his arms around Seokjin’s neck and pulled himself closer to the elder. 

 

“Oh you poor thing~  let’s go give you a nice bath, and then hyung will go make you some soup. And while you’re waiting you can cuddle with Jimin-ah, and Taehyung-ah, okay” 

 

“O-okay” Jungkook whimpered, clutching onto Seokjin tightly. Seokjin didn’t bother heading into the bathroom attached to Jungkook’s room because he knew it didn’t have a bathtub in there. Only a shower. Instead he carried Jungkook out into the hall and into the shared bathroom. Carefully he sat Jungkook down on the toilet seat, but Jungkook didn’t let go. He felt Seokjin sigh, but he pulled Jungkook closer to appease the younger. 

 

All too soon Seokjin was pulling away, and Jungkook let out a whine before he could stop himself. “Shhh, I’m just gonna start your bath. If you want I’ll join you in the bath” Jungkook nodded shyly as an answer, and reluctantly let Seokjin go. Seokjin pulled away, and moved over to the bathtub. Turning on the water, and making sure it was luke warm before putting the plug in. Jungkook waited obediently for his hyung to finish up, and watched at seokjin put some soap by the spray to create bubbles. The scent of lavender and vanilla filled the room, it was a scent that reminded him of Seokjin and his body immediately relaxed with the comfort it brought. 

 

“Alright there, now lets get you out of those sweaty clothes” Seokjin said, turning back to face him. Then a thought him Jungkook and he started to panic. “Hey no calm down love, it’s alright I’m here. I’m gonna take care of you I promise” Seokjin murmured soothingly, sitting down on the floor and pulling Jungkook down onto his lap. A light kiss was placed on his lips, and Jungkook preened under the attention.

 

_ Attention whore. _

 

Jungkook ignored the voice, and pressed closer to his hyung. The pain in his heart easing up slightly, his eyes regaining a bit of the light they had lost. Jungkook was so caught up in his thoughts though he didn’t notice his hyung taking off his shirt until it was too late. Jungkook had forgotten to bandage his cuts yesterday so they were on full display. Seokjin let out a pained sound as he gently took hold of Jungkook’s arm, and pulled away to get a better look at the cuts. Jungkook blanched, fear choking him and making it hard to breathe. He couldn’t hear anythings but the racing of his heart, it felt like he was drowning. Head submerged under the white capped waves, choking his breathe and making his lungs scream for air. 

 

“Oh Kookie, baby” Seokjin whimpered, pulling Jungkook into his arms once again, and holding him close. He drew Jungkook out of the ‘water’ and let him breathe. “Baby I’m so sorry, so so so so so so so sorry. Could you forgive hyung for hurting you? I don’t deserve your forgiveness but-” and that was when Jungkook realised Seokjin was crying. Crying for  _ him _ . Because he hurt  _ him _ . But Jungkook thinks it should be the other way around. All Jungkook does is hurt him, he should be the one apologizing. But. He can't seem to find his voice. 

 

Instead he just buries his face in Seokjin’s neck and holds the elder tightly. His own tears falling as well. “We s-still need to get you in the bath. C’mon-” Jungkook stops Seokjin's hands as they go to pull his sweatpants down. He bows his head.

 

“Let me see them” Seokjin whispers, realising why Jungkook stopped him. Reluctantly Jungkook lets Seokjin pull his sweat pants down, helping him by getting off the elder to make it easier. Jungkook looks anywhere but at the elder as the Seokjin examines his thighs. “My baby” Seokjin murmurs quietly, his voice barely loud enough to be considered a whisper. Jungkook just whimpers, keeping his head bowed. 

 

A hand presses against his chin, making him look up. Jungkook stares into the dark eyes of his elder. Tears shimmering in his own. “Let's get you cleaned up now, and then after hyung makes you some soup, you can come cuddle with me and we can watch any movie you want to, how does that sound love?” Seokjin asks, as he takes off Jungkook’s last articles of clothing.

 

“O-okay. S-sounds- good” Jungkook’s voice sounds raw and raspy but Seokjin doesn’t seem to mind. Instead he picks the younger up and then gently places him in the cold water. A soft whine escapes Jungkook and he tries to get out of the water, the cold water making his skin feel even colder. “Hey no~ this is gonna help you with that fever of yours baby. Let hyung help you” 

 

Reluctantly Jungkook stopped struggling and let himself be lowered into the water. “There you go” Seokjin murmured, as soon as he placed Jungkook in the water he pulled away and quickly stripped, getting in behind Jungkook and pulling the maknae to his chest. 

 

They stayed in the water for about ten minutes before Seokjin deciding that they had been in there long enough. “Hop up Kookie, time to get out” 

 

Eagerly Jungkook moved out of the way to let Seokjin out, then waited. Seokjin went and grabbed a towel for the younger, and Jungkook climbed out of the tub, letting Seokjin wrap him up in the fluffy white towel. Seokjin toweled the younger dry(being mindful of the cuts as well of course), and sat him on the toilet, unplugging the tub as well. “Wait here, I'm gonna go grab us some fresh clothes okay?” Jungkook nodded, and watched as his hyung retreated, and sat idly. Eyes blank as he started at the door, waiting for his hyung to return. It wasn’t long before the elder did return. In his hands were sweatpants, a loose long sleeve, a t-shirt, and underwear. Seokjin first dressed Jungkook, the long sleeves giving Jungkook sweater paws for it was one of Seokjin’s shirts. After Seokjin had helped Jungkook get dressed, he got dressed himself. 

 

Jungkook reached for his hyung after and let himself be lifted into Seokjin’s arms, legs wrapping around the older male’s waist. “Let's head downstairs now, and you can go cuddle with Tae and Jiminie.” Jungkook nodded in agreement, then buried his face into Seokjin’s neck, breathing in the lavender and vanilla scent there. Seokjin moved his hands to the underside of Jungkook’s thighs and carried him down to the living room. 

 

“Tae! Jimin! Come here!” Seokjin shouted, and Jungkook whimpered, wincing at the loud noise. Thanks o the bath his muscles didn’t hurt nor was his stomach turning but his head was still killing him. “Oh sorry baby, didn’t mean to hurt your ears” Seokjin cooed softly, bringing a hand up to run it through Jungkook’s hair gently. Jungkook hummed, eyes drooping tiredly. “It’s okay hyung” Jungkook murmured tiredly. 

 

“Aigoo~ Is my baby sleepy?” Jungkook just nodded, and hummed contentedly. All too soon arguing and loud footsteps could be heard coming their way

 

“Shut up Tae! D.Va is of course the superior character to Mei!-” Of Course they’re arguing about overwatch.

 

“No Mei is superior!-”

 

“You’re only saying that cause she your favorite!-”

 

“And you’re only saying that-”

 

“That's enough you two” Seokjin snapped, making Jungkook flinched, and slightly hyperventilate. “Sorry Kookie, that wasn’t directed at you calm down” Seokjin murmured, toying with Jungkook’s hair. Jungkook relaxed slightly, but his body stayed mainly tense. Seokjin sighed sadly but didn’t push the younger. He turned to the other two who were staring at Seokjin curiously. “Yes hyung?” they chorused. “I need you to take care of Kookie, and give him lots of cuddles while I make him some soup-”

 

“And why would we do that?” Jimin asked with a slight sneer.

 

“ _ Because _ -” Seokjin stressed, “He is sick and hurting and we are the reasons why he is upset so the least you could do is cuddle him” Seokjin hissed, being mindful of the maknae in his arms, who he could tell was now silently crying. Tae and Jimin looked stricken but nodded, Jimin moving to take Jungkook from Seokjin’s arms. 

 

But Jungkook immediately whined in protest clinging onto Seokjin tighter. “Hey none of that” Seokjin scolded lightly. “B-But they don’t like me. Y-You’re the only o-one whos shown t-they actually c-care” he whimpered, still tightly clinging onto the eldest. Seokjin sighed, eyes turning sad. 

 

“Hey no, we still care. We were just also really upset” Jimin murmured softly, “Please come here” reluctantly Jungkook let go, letting Jimin take him into his arms. Both boys immediately noticed the tears on Jungkook’s face and wiped them away, cooing softly. Jungkook seemed to perk up a little under the affection, doe eyes looking up at them filled with hope. Taehyung smiled softly, the anger he felt at the younger dissapitating. Taehyung bent down slightly and pecked Jungkook’s nose, making Jungkook scrunch it up, but smile brightly.

 

Jimin carried Jungkook over to the couch and set him down, then Jimin and Tae sat down on either side of him. Tae immediately pulling the boy to him and laid down, letting Jungkook bury his face in Tae’s chest. Jimin smiled at the two before snuggling between them and the couch and wrapping his arms around Jungkook’s waist.

 

_ I could stay like this forever. _

 

He thought before drifting off to sleep.

 

~~~

 

Turns out he could  _ not _ stay there forever because soon he was being crushed by Hoseok. Tae groaned. “Hyung get off” Tae said with a whine. Jungkook just hummed, and snuggled Taehyung further. Not caring about the comfortable weight crushing his lungs. “Hi Hyung” Jungkook murmured, a happy smile on his lips. Cooing could be heard, and Jungkook felt his cheeks being pinched. “Aigoo~ You’re so adorable” Hoseok cooed.

 

_ Why are they being so nice? What did I do to deserve this? _

 

Jungkook opened sleepy eyes and hummed, frowning slightly. “Ah don’t pout~! You’ll give us heart attacks!” an apology was already at the tip of his tongue but before he could say anything a kiss was pressed to his lips and he smiled happily, closing his eyes and kissing Hoseok back. 

 

“Get off him, when I said cuddle him, I didn’t mean crush him” Jungkook opened his eyes when Hoseok pulled away and peered up at the eldest through his bangs. 

 

“Your soup is ready Kook c’mon” Jungkook yawned, and pushed lightly at Hoseok’s chest, eager for food for he hadn’t eaten much of anything the day before. 

 

“Why are you so eager to eat?” Jungkook froze at Namjoon’s words. “Can’t a boy just be hungry?” Yoongi countered, making Jungkook relax. “I know but has he even eaten anything these past few days? He's been avoiding us and hasn’t left his room much.” Jungkook tensed. “And whose fault is that? Ours” Yoongi snapped, making Jungkook flinch. A hand ran its way through his hair and apologies were softly murmured. Jungkook basked in the attention, leaning up into the hand. 

 

“C’mon now Kookie let's go eat” Seokjin murmured, pulling Hoseok off of him and lifting him up. Jungkook wrapped around the eldest like a koala bear and let himself be carried once again. 

 

_ He could get used to this again. _

 

~~~

 

Soon Jungkook had been nursed back to health, and after he had been he went straight to the managers and asked them to give his hyungs their spots and lines back. They relented, and did the next day but didn’t mention that it had been Jungkook’s idea. Jungkook smiled happily all throughout it though and things went back to normal. They didn't know about the white lines on his wrist or thighs from the incident. Well Seokjin did. But he didn’t need them to because that was now apart of the past, and although he still sometimes he has those dark thoughts he knows his hyungs will always be by his side.

 

_ Or will they? _

 

_ No, no of course they will be. _

 

_ They’d be by  _ **_your_ ** _ side? Ha! Why would someone wanna help you? Be there for  _ **_you_ ** _?  _

 

~~~

 

Love

 

Affection

 

Gentle kisses being placed on his lips

 

Soft smiles

 

He may not be completely golden, but his love for his hyungs is. 

  
  



	4. Promise?

* * *

 

_**Promise?** _

~~  
_"Do you promise?" He whispered, eyes wide and hopeful._

_"I promise" they murmured back, pulling him into their embrace._

_"I promise, I promise, I **promise**  I wont leave. Ever"_

_He smiled happily and snuggled into the embrace. "I love you guys"_

_"We love you too" they whisperes softly._  
~~

"You promised." He whispered brokenly, eyes welled with tears.

"I'm sorry" and then, they left.

A choked sob clawed up his throat as the door shut and he dropped to his knees. Pain was slashing through his heart and tearing him to pieces. "You said you  _loved_ me, you  _promised_ you would stay! That you wouldn't leave me-"

Tears spashed down his cheeks and onto the floor. "You said you wouldn't be like the rest of them!  _I thought you loved me_ "

Another sob heaved through him and he curled into himself, wrapping his arms around his stomach. "Why did you leave!? Was I not enough? Am I too clingy? Was I too distant? What did I do wrong? Why don't you guys want me anymore!?" He screamed, he felt like he was being stabbed over and over, again and again.

"Where did we go wrong?" He whispered brokenly. Another sob, and then another. It  _hurt._  It hurt so bad. His body shook harshly, tears were stinging his eyes and he just wanted this pain to stop.

Why did it have to hurt so much? Why did he have to love them and trust them so much? Why did they throw it all back in his face? He doesn't  _understand!_

He sobbed even harsher, his throat felt torn and his head hurt so much.

"You promised, you promised, you promised, you promised" he screamed, he felt so  _broken._  He let out another scream, pain wrapping around him like smoke, suffocating all his other feelings and leaving him in this constant state of pain.

He wanted the pain to stop. Why wouldn't it stop? What did he do to deserve this? His sobs sounded raspy and broken, even to his own ears. He probably looked as pathetic as he felt.

They had tricked him into loving them. They had told him they loved him, and they had helped and cared for him in ways no one else had. They had made him feel wanted for once. Made him feel as though he had been enough and then they stole it. Stripping him of everything he had come to know. Why? Why had they done that? He didnt understand! How had he come to be such a fool? How did he not see through their lies?

He felt so foolish. He should have known better. Everytime something good happens, it destroys him in the end. Why did he think this would be different? He's such an idiot. This happens every single time.

" _But you guys promised, a promise is a promise. You kept all your other promises but this one_ " he whispered softly. The tears had slowed and his breath had evened out but the pain was still ever present. Have you ever been so hurt that it sucked all the emotions and just made you completely numb to everything else but the pain? Left you with no tears left to cry? No way to expell all this pain. He wanted- no he  _needed_  it gone.

It felt so hard to breath like he was drowning underwater. The pain like an anchor tied to his foot, just dragging him deeper down. We just wanted to be happy-  _to be loved._ Was that really too much to ask for?

He slowly stood up, head hung low. He didnt have any strength left to keep going. To keep fighting. To keep living. His parents didnt want him. They had beat him when he was young and had to be taken away into foster care. Even  _those_ people hadn't wanted him. All his past lovers hadn't wanted him. They had all made him feel worthless. Always dragging him down and then leaving him like he was nothing. Maybe he was nothing.

He whimpered at that thought.

But they had said- no they left, remember? They don't want you either. He sighed, tears threatening to spill over. But he was tired. Too tired to keep fighting. Maybe it was time to give in. Maybe it was his turn to give up. Maybe he should just end it like what all the others had said.

"I-I can't keep going like this. I'm already so broken I don't think I have any fight left in me. I doubt anyone will notice anyways." he whispered. Pain lodged in his throat.

~The Next day~

**_News Report:_ **

  
_"A Twent-one-year-old was found dead in his apartment this morning. There was no signs of break in. No signs of anyone else being there but him. We wont go into details about what happened but it appears to be another suicide... Im sorry to say we couldn't figure out who the boy's parents were- There is an investigation going on to figure out why he may have done this to himself--...."_

_The TV cut off as someone switched it off. "Namjoon, sweetie, you need to stop doing this to yourself. That happened a year ago" an older male murmured, "I-I know but we should have been there- Seokjin Hyung! We could have saved him! We had promised we'd be there- promised that we'd never leave-- it's our fault--"_

__

_"Shhh calm down, you're gonna work yourself up"_

__

_"How can I calm down? We had promised, a promise is a promise" he whispered. The others watched with sad eyes. As their eldest lover tried to comfort the other. It had been their fault. They all knew. But the boy they had known wouldnt have wanted them to be stuck over him. Jungkook would have wanted them to move on._

__

_They had made Jungkook a boy without love, they had broken their promise but there was nothing they could d_ _o now. They had to let go_

__


	5. Promise Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PT. 2 to the last chapter! Warning there is a lot of violence and mentons of blood! The suicide is also very descripted so please be aware of this!! Read with caution!! And dont read if you are triggered easily!!

_**Promise? pt2** _

* * *

 

"I'm sorry" and then, they left.

Namjoon quietly shut the door as just as a broken sob reached thier ears. Taehyung flinched.

"D-do we really have to leave?" Taehyung whimpered. Namjoon sighed, and the other members frowned softly. "We- shouldn't we just tell him? I- I hate seeing him like this! Joonie Hyung, please?" Jimin whined pleadingly.

"Im sorry Tae... Jiminie... But he can't know and you know that. He'd be even more devasted than he is now if he knew" Namjoon said softly, pulling both Tae and Jimin in for a hug.

"C' mom guys," Seokjin murmured sadly, "let's go"

~~

_Do you you feel alone?_  
_So lost,_  
_With no where left to go?_

_Are you out there hurting?_  
_This pain,_  
_Does it consume who you are?_

_-Never Be Alone By Ci-Ci **(Me loll)**_

~~

Taehyung let out a whimper of pain as a fist made contact with his jaw.

"You _bastard_ " The man snarled, "You don't deserve him and you never will after the way you left"

Taehyung hung his head, tears welling in his eyes. " _I know_ " he whispered.

"Why?" The man's voice breaks- _Yugyeom's voice breaks_. "Why did you leave him?"

Taehyung sighed, "If we stayed it would have only hurt him more-"

"BULLSHIT" Yugyeom snarled, eyes flashing.

"-Yugi! You don't understand whats happening-"

"Then fucking  _explain_ "

"Then _let_ me explain" Taehyung said, finally snapping.

"He would have been fucking killed and you know it," Taehyung snarled, "You _know_ who's after us. It was the only thing we could think of to keep him safe"

Yugyeom snarled back, "Its your fucking fault for getting mixed up in that bullshit but you've had multiple chances to get yourselves out but instead you chose to stay"

"I know," Taehyung yelled, "You don't think I realize this? You think I don't regret it? But even if we had gotten out of the shit we're in that  _monster_  still wants us fucking dead and he wont stop until that happens. I am _not_ -" Taehyung growled, "I repeat I am  _not_ letting Jungkook be fucking murdered by that psychopath"

Yugyeom stared, "You'd save him but not yourselves?"

" _There is no way for us to be saved_ "

~~

Jungkook stared listlessly at the wall, he's been waiting for the perfect day, the perfect _time_ , to just end it all. So far no opportunities have popped up, Yugyeomie insists that Jungkook stays at his and his roomate- BamBam- 's dorm.

"Jungkookie! Are you up?" Came BamBam's voice through the door, Jungkook sighed quietly. He loved them to death but he didn't want reasons to stay. Reasons to try and fight through his pain.

"Im awake" Jungkook murmured softly, looking up as BamBam entered the room with a tray of food, "Thats good!" BamBam said cheerfully, "I made you some breakfast! You need to eat more Kookie, you're so thin"

Jungkook just gave the boy a weak smile and accepted the tray of food, "Thanks BamBamie"

"No problem Kookie!" BamBam exclaimed, ruffling Jungkook's hair.

"Now eat up! Im gonna go out shopping soon, and Yugyeom wanted me to tell you that he went out but if you need anything to just call him!" Jungkook nodded and the boy's words.

BamBam hadn't realized ge had just given Jungkook the most perfect opportunity. "Alright," Jungkook murmured, "I think I'm gonna head back to my dorm later to gather a few more clothes if that's alright with you?"

"You don't have to ask permission to leave, Kookie" BamBam murmured softly, "Just come back soon, Yugyeom will go off his rockers if you stay out too late"

Jungkook gave BamBam a weak smile, if only he knew.

~~ _ **(Warning Graphic Descriptions of Violence Ahead!!)**_ :

Jimin quietly manouvered the streets, eyes trained on the ground as he walked. He could barely focus on the things or people around him, no his mind was elsewhere. Jungkook. Sweet, innocent, beautiful Jungkook. They had hurt the boy. _No_  they hadnt just hurt him, they had _destroyed_ him. Jimin had seen the absolute despair in the boy's doe-like eyes when they told him they were leaving.

Jimin let out a pained sigh. He wanted to capture the small boy in his arms and never let him go, to smother him in kisses and tell how much they _loved_ him. It _hurt_. To leave like they had. Jimin covered his mouth to stiffle the sob that threatened to spill past his lips.

It was better this way though, he reminded himself. Jungkook wouldnt be killed for their wrong doings. He would be safe. He was better off without them anyways.

Suddenly Jimin felt himself be dragged into an ally way. He didnt get the chance to cry before he was thrown against the nearest wall, a grunt of pain escaping his lips. "Look it who I found. Chimmy, right? Or isn't your real name _Jimin_ " the man sneered, a sadistic light dancing in his eyes. Jimin's eyes widened and he let out a whimper, "No no no no no, leave me alone please" he cried as a had wrapped around his throat. He thrashed in the man's hold, "But where's the fun in that? Don't worry, I'll kill you all soon, but I still want a little _fun_ "

Jimin let out a sob, "P-Please- d-don't-" he cut off as the man squeezed his throat, pressing his thumb into Jimin's windpipe. "Quit your pathetic begging" the man snarled, pressing even harder against Jimin's windpipe.

Oh god he couldn't _breathe_. Jimin thrashed harder in the man's grasp, fear washing over him in waves. His lungs screamed for air and his vision was starting to blur. Suddenly the man let go and Jimin dropped to the group with a gasp, coughing harshly, trying to get air into his lungs.

A harsh kick to his stomach, another to his ribs. Jimin wheezed as white hot pain flashed through him and he let out another sob.

He felt the man place a foot on his chest, putting his weight onto Jimin. Jimin cried at the pain of the man stepping on him, pinning him into place. "You're so fucking pathetic, can't even defend yourself," the man sneered, "I wonder what that little boy would think of you now" the man said with a sick grin. Fear flashed through Jimin, he knew about Jungkook? Oh fuck, he had to tell the others- he lost his train of thought as the man kicked him in the face. A sharp cry of pain left him as the force of the kick flung him back against a wall.

"That boy is so pretty you know? Would make a perfect plaything, what was his name again? Jungkook? Bet he would look pretty all tied up in my basement. _Bet he'd look all pretty crying, his mouth filled with my cock_ -"

"Dont fucking touch him" Jimin snarled, struggling to get to his feet, the man grinned sadistically, and kicked Jimin again, knocking him to the ground. Jimin gasped in pain, his mind struggling to focus, to get the fuck out of there and warn the others.

"S-Seungri please" Jimin gasped through the pain, "T-take me instead, b-but don't hurt Jungkook- please- I'm begging you" A sob hitched in his throat as the man- _Seungri_ \- sneered at him, yanking Jimin up by his hair. Jimin cried out in pain and he was slammed back against the wall. "I don't fucking want you Chimmy, not after the shit you and your little friends put me through"

"It wasn't us! We were framed! Please don't hurt Jungkook-" Jimin cut himself off with a sob, "I swear it wasn't us!" He cried, voice pleading and hysterical. Only Seungri could break him this way.

Seungri sneered and tossed Jimin "Stop your lying for once you fucking bitch"

"I'm not ly-" He was cut off by a harsh kick to the back. He coughed harshly, blood splattering the ground. Everything _hurt_.

Then he felt Seungri's knees press into his back and pin him down. One of Seungri's hands also pinning his wrists down.

He felt some hard a cold touch his back and it only took him a second to realize what it was before it was digging into the flesh of his arm. Jimin screamed, and tried to throw Seungri off of him. Pain pierced him as Seungri dug the knife deeper into his arm and Jimin sobbed, pain making his mind hazy.

He could feel warm blood trickle down his arm, pooling around it. It clung to his skin like tree sap to ones fingers. Suddenly there was white hot pain in his other arm. And Jimin let out a weak sob. Seungri dragged the blade up his arm agonisingly slow and Jimin wished he would just pass out from the pain.

He went limp in Seungri's hold, fight no longer left in his body, _he wished his lovers- no he wished **Jungkook** was there to help him._

~~

Jimin came to in the empty ally way and his body _throbbed_ with pain. A whimper tore from his throat when he noticed the blood surrounding his body and slowly made himself sit up, leaning up against a wall. Shaking he looked for his phone and hit Yoongi's contact, calling him as sobs once more shook his body.

" _Hey Jimin- wait whats wrong? Jiminie_?"

"I-Its Seungri- Yoonie Hyung it hurts-" he sobbed, "H-hurts so much b-but you have to protect Kookie- he knows about Kookie- Yoonie hes gonna hurt Kookie-"

" _Hey calm down, do you know where you are?_ "

"N-no- but Kookie"

" _Shhh Jimin, its alright. We'll send some people to keep an eye out on him, don't worry but I need to know if you're bleeding at all?_ "

"Y-Yea, 'm bleeding a lot- It hurts- Yoonie-"

Jimin heard Yoongi curse under his breath and mutter something to someone else, " _Its alright love, Namjoon is on his way, we are currently tracking your phone so keep on call with me, ok?_ "

"O-Okay" Jimin whimpered, head falling back against the wall as tears streaked his face.

Then next 7 minutes were a blur as Yoongi anxiously tried to keep Jimin talking. Jimin felt so weak and tired, and he struggled to respond to Yoongi, his mind hazy from the blood loss.

The screeching of tires breaks through Jimin's hazy thoughts, and he flinches as he hears someone curse. "Minnie? Oh fuck, stay with me love, you gotta stay awake for Hyung, okay?" Namjoon murmured as he crouched down by Jimin. Jimin blinked owlishly up at Namjoon and whimpered when heard the male gasp.

"Its alright," he heard Namjoon murmur softly, "You're safe now" before blacking out.

~~  
**_Warning! Suicidal thoughts! Please skip to the next ~~ if you get triggered by this!!_**

Jungkook swept his hand through his hair. Maybe this wasnt a good idea.

 _But you want your pain to stop, don't you_?

Jungkook sighed, a numb feeling taking over him as he stared at the asphalt that was far below.

_Just jump already._

_But I want to hear their reasoning for leaving..._

_Isn't it obvious? They don't want you! Didnt you see the looks on their faces when they left?? They dont care!!_

A single tear rolled down his cheek and he wiped it away immediately. They do care, they do care, _they do care_. He thought to himself.

_Oh who are you kidding? Youre a fuck up. Remember? Thats what everyone else has said that you had been with before these boys. These boys were just too nice to say it to your face._

Jungkook sobbed, eyes filling with tears. Tears splashed down his cheeks and he sat down on the ledge, staring down at the ground.

_Just do it. The world would be better off without you-_

"Are you gonna jump or not?" Came an amused voice. Jungkook flinched. "No" he whispered, he needed a more painful death. Jumping was too quick and easy.

"Oh? Then what are you doing so close to the edge?"

"Just... Thinking..."

"About jumping?"

"About how much I'd like you to shut the fuck up" Jungkook snaps. Getting annoyed with the stranger.

"Oo fiesty, are ya?"

"Who are you anyways?" Jungkook sighed in annoyance.

"Lee Seung-hyun, but most people call me Seungri"

"Well _Seungri_ , I'd like it if you kindly fucked off" Jungkook sneered, glaring up at the older male.

The man raised his hands in mock defense "Sorry, sorry I'll go" Seungri said with a mocking smile, "But just so you know, bleach is a pretty painful death"

Jungkook stared at the man in slight surpise before nodding. "Uh? Okay?"

The man smirked slightly before walking towards the stairwell, leaving Jungkook to stare after him.

"See you around Jungkook" the man said before leaving. It was about a half hour later when Jungkook realizes he never told the man his name.

~~

_There is a fine line between loving someone and being **in** love with someone. And that is what causes the heartbreak._

_-CiCi **(I like writing poems 😊)**_

~~

Jimin woke slowly, and felt pain dully coursing through him. He winced as he manouvered his body into a sitting position, glancing around the room. He was in the medical ward and he scrunched up his nose at the clean smell slightly.

"Oh, your awake!" Exclaimed a deep voice, and Jimin looked over at the younger male.

"Hi Tae, and yeah. I am"

~~

_Crystal rain_  
_Scarlet tears,_  
_Wash away all my fears_

_Bright smiles,_  
_Dull eyes,_  
_I wish I didn't always cry_

_Hold me now,_  
_Hold me tight,_  
_You're my only reason to fight_

~~_You're my only reason to live_ ~~

_-CiCi_

~~ **(Warning! This is the actual suicide part so please skip this if you get easily triggered by things like this!! Descriptions of selfharm ahead! Beware!!)**

Jungkook slowly sank into the hot water, flinching at the way it burned his skin. He sat down and looked up at the table he had set up beside the bathtub. It had a razor blade and a cup of bleach and some pills beside it. He wanted to be as efficient as possible but also wanted it to be painful.

Carefully he picked up the razor and tilted it, the light of the bathroom reflecting off of it.

He then looked at his wrist. Does he really want to do this?

 _Yes, yes you do_. Whispered a voice ever so softly.

Jungkook gently placed the sharp end of the blade against his wrist, staring at the way the blade ever so slightly indented his milky white skin. He the pressed down, and quickly drew it across, hissing at the burning sensation. He dropped the blade into the water and clutched his arm and blood dripped steadily into the water.

 _Magic, isn't it? You draw with silver yet it turns red? And the pain, its just what you deserve isn't it? Go on, do it again._ The voice encouraged softly.

Jungkook slowly picked up the blade again, bringing it back to his wrist. And pressed hard than the last time, draghing the blade across sharply. Jungkook cried out at the sharp pain, tears burning his eyes.

By now the water had turned a light reddish colour, and Jungkook switched the blade to his other hand, but instead of dragging it across like he had been before, he pressed the blade harshly to his skin, and dragged it _down_.

Jungkook sobbed at the white hot pain that filled his arm, dropping the blade into the now deep red water.

_Hurry up and get it over with, finish the job off._

Jungkook shakily grabbed the pills and popped them into his mouth, tears blurring his vision as he grabbed the cup, using the bleach to swallow down the pills.

Jungkook screamed, it _burned_. He thrashed in the water as the bleach and pills made quick work. Oh god it hurt so much. He sobbed, choking on his breath,  _it hurt so fucking bad._

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_ " Jungkook cried, his body arched at the peircing pain that was spreading through him.

"Jungkook?"

Oh fuck, its Yugyeom. Jungkook sobbed more harshly as pain laced its way through his veins.

"Oh my Gods-" Jungkook heard Yugyeom gasp as he entered the bathroom.

" _Kookie_ " the younger boy sobbed, and Jungkook cried out in pain. Vision blurred. "BamBam call 119!" Yugyeom cried as BamBam entered the room. Jungkook sobbed even harsher as Yugyeom grabbed his arms, trying to stop the bleeding. He could hear BamBam talking to someone but couldn't make out what was being said.

"Oh Kookie" Yugyeom sobbed, "I should have been home today, maybe this wouldn't have happened, please stay with me- _please Jungkook- don't leave me"_

Jungkook looked up at Yugyeom, and he felt Yugyeom's bloody hands grab his cheeks gently. "I-I'm sorry" Jungkook sobbed, voice scratchy and broken. And then, everything went black.

~~

_News Report:_

  
_"A Twent-one-year-old was found dead in his apartment this morning. There was no signs of break in. No signs of anyone else being there but him. We wont go into details about what happened but it appears to be another suicide... Im sorry to say we couldn't figure out who the boy's parents were- There is an investigation going on to figure out why he may have done this to himself. **His friends were the ones who had found him but unfortunately the boy had passed away before the paramedics could reach him...** "_

They stared at the face that popped up on the screen, a picture of the boy who had commited suicide.

Jungkookie, _their Jungkookie._ Jimin screamed, sobs tearing through him harshly. Taehyung a let out a quiet sob and curled in on himself. Hoseok threw up, sobs now wracking his body as well. Silent tears dripped down Yoongi's cheeks, and his shoulders shook harshly. Seokjin was screaming as well, he dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around himself. And Namjoon? Well Namjoon had gone emotionless, he haf disassociated himself and was now staring past the TV at the wall, tears trickling down his cheeks.

_It was their fault._

~~

_I close my eyes_

_A sigh escaped my lips_

_A throb in my heart_

_My stomach doing flips_

 

_What happened to me?_

_"You just need to let go"_

_But I can't_

_"Then just rant"_

 

_Why does it hurt?_

_"Because you cared"_

_Why do I feel dead inside?_

_"Because it doesn't feel fair"_

 

_But,, is it my fault?_

_"Not at all"_

_Then why does it feel that way?_

_"Cause you were the one they called"_

 

_I should have saved them_

_"There was nothing you could do"_

_I should have been quicker_

_"You just need to start a new"_

 

_But I can't let it go_

_"It'll take some time"_

_How much time, I don't think I'll last_

_"Don't worry, you'll be fine"_

 

_But they don't understand_

_This pain I can't withstand_

_I just want to be free_

_Why don't they understand me?_

-CiCi

 

_Scilence fills the empty_

_space_

_It drowns you._

_It drags you down until_

_you are no more._

_Until there is nothing_

_left._

-CiCi

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have cried writing this-- but I was also listening to the Truth Untold while writing this so that was a given😅💜💞💘💕✨
> 
> Sorry to people who are fans of Seungri but hes not my favoritest person for obvious reasons.


	6. "Let's Go"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> Also sorry I havent updated in a while. Ive been busy with exams and I just recently got into a singing group so that has also been hectic! 
> 
> Sorry for the short word count but enjoy!

"Let's Go"

* * *

 

 

A soft sigh. Glittering brown orbs drank in the scenery, curiousity burning in them like a bonfire. He traveled swiftly, gravefully making his way through the large crowd. Noise filled the air, conversations alight within the crowd.

 

Suddenly the brown orbs lit up as though a thousand stars shone within them. Just across the street stood a tall, lean male. Ash blonde hair falling in the male's dark eyes. A small smirk graced the male's dark pink lips as he noticed the glittering eyes that stared at his own.

 

"There you are. I thought you weren't gonna show" came the male's deep, soothinh voice. "Of course I'd come Tae! I always wanna spend time with you!" came a soft melodic voice as the the brown eyes sparkled with happiness.

 

The male- _Tae-_ grinned, smirk disappearing to reveal a his box shaped smile. "C'mon Kookie" Tae hummed, "We have a date"

 

Brown orbs met Tae's dark ones as he- _Kookie-_ grasped Tae's hand. Excitement thrumming through his veins.

 

"Let's go"


	7. Don't Wanna be Lonely(Anymore)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just wanted a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this really short? Yes.  
> Am I sorry about that? Yes.  
> Could I have written more? Maybe.  
> Did I have the motivation to? No.

_**Don't Wanna be Lonely(Anymore)** _

* * *

 

Jungkook hummed in curiousity as a group of men entered the old house, carrying luggage. Jungkook's eyes lit up, _maybe they're moving in! Maybe I won't be alone anymore!_

 

Jungkook quietly hung back as he was invisible to the human eye. The males were excitedly chattering away and Jungkook caught the tail end of their conversation when he followed them into the kitchen.

 

"-can't believe we got this place for such a cheep price!" one of the taller boys said. Jungkook cocked his head to the side, _so they're really moving!? Yes!_

 

"I know right? This place is huge and really nice. I wonder why it was so cheap."

 

Jungkook frowned, a pout pulling at his lips. It was because of him. Thats why. He didn't mean to scare people off, he really didn't. But they were always terrified of him. He didnt understand why. Well... Maybe he did.

 

"Probably because theres a story flying around that a boy died in this house."

 

"Someone died here!?"

 

"Yeah"

 

"You dont think its haunted, do you?"

 

Jungkook's eyes drooped, sadness burning in them. Was that what it was called? Haunting? He just wanted friends.

 

"I don't think so. But who knows. We dont have anywhere to go even if it was though."

 

Sighs rang through the room and Jungkook felt himself shrink in on himself, _he didnt want to be a burden._

 

He could feel a sob rising in his thoat, tears burning his eyes. He just wanted a _friend._ He pressed himself into the shadows, accidentally knocking over a vase. He froze.

 

"What was that noise!?" came a panicked cry.

 

The tears came fast, spilling down his cheeks. Hes ruined it again, hasnt he? Hes probably scared them. A sob burned his thoat but he swallowed it down.

 

_I just dont want to be alone anymore._

 

He watched as the group of boys came into the room cautiously, eyes warily staring at the broken vase.

 

He moved backwards more bumping into more things- _Why was he so clumsy?-_ making the boys jump.

 

"Im sorry" Jungkook murmured hoarsly, "I-I didnt mean to"

 

"Huh? Did someone say something?"

 

"No, we didnt say anything"

 

Jungkook panicked, they had heard him?

 

"Whos there? Are you the little boy who died here?"

 

Jungkook shot the boys an offended look even if they couldnt see him. "Im not- Im not a _little boy_. Im 18!!" Jungkook exclaimed, annoyance filling him.

 

The group jumped, startled. "Oh sorry. My names Namjoon, I didnt mean to offend you or anything."

 

Jungkook fell silent, eyes wide. "Its... Its alright? My names Jungkook"

 

"Can you show your self?" came a soft voice. Jungkook hummed in thought. Should he show himself? What if they didnt like what they saw and decided to leave?

 

While he was lost in thought he hadnt realized he had shown himself, jumping when he suddenly heard people cooing.

 

"Well arent you an adorable little thing"

 

Jungkook blushed, a pout pulling at his lips. "Im not little" he said stubbornly, bambi eyes narrowing.

 

More people cooed, one person coming forward to touch him. He flinched, eyes going sad. "Please dont try to touch me." he whispered softly.

 

The others stared in confusion and he just smiled sadly. "Im not just any spirit. Touch me, and I kill you. Not that I want to. Just the way I am,"

 

They stared in horror and Jungkook ducked his head, tears slipping down his cheeks once more. "Thats why _they_ killed me. I was an- an experiment gone wrong. But for some reason anything that makes contact with me still dies so please dont touch me..."

 

Their smiles went sad. Eyes holding unspoken apologies. Jungkook stared in confusion mind not registering what they were doing until it was too late.

 

He looked up at them. Betrayal burning in his eyes as he felt the salt slowly eating away at his form. _It hurt._

 

"Im sorry" they murmured. And he disappeared.

 

_He had just wanted friends_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont know how I feel about this story. It isnt the best so I hope you dont mind.


End file.
